Quote

Interesting form of murder we come up with: Assassination. We assassinate people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Apparently we are not ready to live together.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Love
Ready
People
Interesting
Another
Assassinate
Form
Assassination
Together
Apparently
Live
Murder
Come
Harmony
Trying
Told

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Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time.
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Whereas your blackness, ethnicity, homosexuality is something that might be genetic, I can't touch that, and I have no right.
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Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.
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My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol.
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I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. But I'm not in a league with Lenny [Bruce], certainly not in terms of social commentary.
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The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind
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If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
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The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.
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Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.
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The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
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Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to pare compare clothing.
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The next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergyman's rate.
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Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.
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They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.
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And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
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One of the first things they teach you in Driver's Ed is where to put your hands on the steering wheel. They tell you put 'em at ten o'clock and two o' clock. Never mind that . I put mine at 9:45 and 2:17. Gives me an extra half hour to get where I'm goin'.
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I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.
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