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Life is not that complicated.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Complicated
Life

More quotes by George Carlin

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People always tell me Have a nice day. Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
George Carlin
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I believe my first duty is to survive. And I'm not just talking about criminals coming into my home. I once seriously considered getting a gun to protect myself from the police. If I need a weapon to continue living, I'll get one. And I'll use it.
George Carlin
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I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.
George Carlin
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There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
George Carlin
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The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.
George Carlin
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All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another
George Carlin
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Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.
George Carlin
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The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.
George Carlin
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There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.
George Carlin
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Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle. Same with swamps and wetlands.
George Carlin
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I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.
George Carlin
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On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.
George Carlin
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By the next one [albom],Occupation: Foole, I was right back into the trip again. I'm more frantic, more breathless. You can hear how sick I am. If you want to see a cokehead, just look at the pictures on the Occupation: Foole album.
George Carlin
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Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
George Carlin
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Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and we don't want him to hurt himself.
George Carlin
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No one who has had Taps played for them has ever been able to hear it.
George Carlin
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How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelette? Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? When did this happen that we passed chickens in goodness? Name six ways we're better than chickens. See, nobody can do it! You know why? 'Cause chickens are decent people.
George Carlin
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Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
George Carlin
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Sometimes, when I was really loaded, I'd sit on the floor and sort out every nut and bolt in the house. It was just sheer insanity. And often there'd be speed in the cut, so I was a speed freak, too.
George Carlin
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
George Carlin