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Life is not that complicated.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Complicated
Life

More quotes by George Carlin

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The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election
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Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
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I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
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Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
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They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.
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Shopping and buying and getting and having comprise the Great American Addiction. No one is immune. When the underclass riots in this country they don't kill policemen and politicians, they steal merchandise. How embarrassing.
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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
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We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
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No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.
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Religion is just mind control.
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It's harder to be funny from the position of power.
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The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.
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I believe my first duty is to survive. And I'm not just talking about criminals coming into my home. I once seriously considered getting a gun to protect myself from the police. If I need a weapon to continue living, I'll get one. And I'll use it.
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Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
George Carlin
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How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.
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Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.
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There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.
George Carlin
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Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!
George Carlin
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Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the Ten Most Wanted criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list?
George Carlin