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Life is not that complicated.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Life
Complicated

More quotes by George Carlin

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You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic.
George Carlin
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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
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The keys to America: The cross, the brew, the dollar, and the gun.
George Carlin
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There are actually people who go out and re-fight these battles. You know what I say? Use real ammunition! You just might raise the intelligence level of the American gene pool!
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First I was a mimic. Practically from the moment I began talking, I did impersonations of the people in my neighborhood - the storekeepers, the policemen, my teachers.
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But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
George Carlin
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Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
George Carlin
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
George Carlin
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How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?
George Carlin
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If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
George Carlin
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To my surprise, my marijuana use has been tapering off steadily.
George Carlin
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I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.
George Carlin
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There was about a two-year period at the end of the '60s, when I realized I was in the wrong place and entertaining the wrong people with the wrong material and that I was not being true to myself. I went through a metamorphosis into something more authentic for me, a more authentic stage voice and writing voice.
George Carlin
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Why do they bother saying raw sewage? Do some people actually cook that stuff?
George Carlin
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You're all going to die. I hate to remind you, but it is on your schedule. It probably won't happen when you'd like generally, it's an inconvenience.
George Carlin
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When I first heard the song Don't worry - be happy I realized it was exactly the kind of mindless philosophy that Americans would respond to. It would make a great national anthem along with Me first.
George Carlin
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When it comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims...religion.
George Carlin
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I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid.
George Carlin
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How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
George Carlin
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We think in language. We think in words. Language is the landscape of thought.
George Carlin