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In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Safe
Hope
Home
Object
Baseball
Objects

More quotes by George Carlin

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I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in the Ronald Reagan administration.
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A dog has no shame. If he can do it, you can watch.
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The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind
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Religion is just mind control.
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Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.
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I was a stonehead for 30 years. I'd wake up in the morning and if I couldn't decide whether I wanted a joint or not, I'd smoke a joint to figure it out. And I stayed high all day long.
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The planet is fine. The people are f****d. Because everyone is trying to save the planet. The planet doesn’t need that. The planet will take care of itself. People are selfish. And that's what they're doing is trying to save the planet for themselves to have a nicer place to live.
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Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
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I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
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Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
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I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
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There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
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Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.
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Dogs and cats get put to sleep hogs and cows get slaughtered.
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I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.
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I believe my first duty is to survive. And I'm not just talking about criminals coming into my home. I once seriously considered getting a gun to protect myself from the police. If I need a weapon to continue living, I'll get one. And I'll use it.
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That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
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I just love it when I hear a little commotion, someone leaving. When I see those doors in the back . . .
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Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
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All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.
George Carlin