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In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Object
Baseball
Objects
Safe
Hope
Home
More quotes by George Carlin
Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
George Carlin
Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.
George Carlin
Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.
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If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
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I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep.
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Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.
George Carlin
Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
George Carlin
By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.
George Carlin
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
George Carlin
Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle. Same with swamps and wetlands.
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I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why should it be illegal to sell something that's legal to give away?
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You're all going to die. I hate to remind you, but it is on your schedule. It probably won't happen when you'd like generally, it's an inconvenience.
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When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.
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Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
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The phrase surgical strike might be more acceptable if it were common practice to perform surgery with high explosives.
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When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
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I do something about the weather. I stay home.
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard
George Carlin
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
George Carlin
President George Bush declared a National Day of Prayer for Peace. This was after he had carefully arranged and started the war.
George Carlin
