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In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Home
Object
Baseball
Objects
Safe
Hope
More quotes by George Carlin
Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
George Carlin
If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
George Carlin
People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.
George Carlin
If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!
George Carlin
Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
George Carlin
And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
George Carlin
I'll tell you a little secret about the Blues: it's not enough to know which notes to play, you have to know why they need to be played.
George Carlin
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
George Carlin
They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!
George Carlin
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
George Carlin
In the 'bullshit department' a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman.
George Carlin
By the next one [albom],Occupation: Foole, I was right back into the trip again. I'm more frantic, more breathless. You can hear how sick I am. If you want to see a cokehead, just look at the pictures on the Occupation: Foole album.
George Carlin
Religion is just mind control.
George Carlin
Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?
George Carlin
I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave them to the symbol-minded.
George Carlin
Everyone smiles in the same language.
George Carlin
For an entertainer, part of the thing you do is just style. And the coke did help me get into great runs of pure form.
George Carlin
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
George Carlin
The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.
George Carlin
Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
George Carlin
