Quote

In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Object
Baseball
Objects
Safe
Hope
Home

More quotes by George Carlin

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The straightest line between a straight distance is two points.
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With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.
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I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew.
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When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
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No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go down, and that's when you can slip in a good idea.
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Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.
George Carlin
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I think it keeps the child alive in me. There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people.
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I'm certainly a skeptic. I always quibble with people.
George Carlin
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The keys to America: The cross, the brew, the dollar, and the gun.
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Singing is basically a form of pleasant, controlled screaming.
George Carlin
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There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.
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I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
George Carlin
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Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.
George Carlin
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I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'
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I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave them to the symbol-minded.
George Carlin
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Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get an infection, and you can see their point. They don't want some guy go to hell and be sick.
George Carlin
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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
George Carlin
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Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle. Same with swamps and wetlands.
George Carlin
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Do you remember Barbara Bush? I call her the silver douchebag.
George Carlin
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Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
George Carlin