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At 68 I'm every age I ever was. I always think of that. I'm not just 68. I'm also 55 and 21 and three. Oh especially three.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Age
Three
Also
Ever
Every
Always
Think
Thinking
Especially

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Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
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One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. Actually, it's just one more bullshit political philosophy.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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No comment is a comment.
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The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
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Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
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Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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I think we overrate ourselves in terms of our abilities and capacities. I mean, just because you can build a really swell bridge doesn't, to my way of thinking, mean that you're an advanced civilization.
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I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there's nothin' like it. It's a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you're thinking. 'Aw, he's a comedian. He's just sayin' that stuff.' Good. That's exactly what I want you to think.
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Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain. America, America, man sheds his waste on thee, And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea.
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I think self-expression is present at all times, and whether or not you're talking about the outside world or your responses to it depends on the moment and the subject.
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Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?
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How is it possible to have a civil war?
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I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.
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Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back.
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I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.
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War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class young men off to die. It always has been.
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The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.
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Why do 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
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