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At 68 I'm every age I ever was. I always think of that. I'm not just 68. I'm also 55 and 21 and three. Oh especially three.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Thinking
Especially
Age
Three
Also
Ever
Every
Always
Think

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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. [And] I want to be known for what I do best.
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I should think it takes a fairly low intellect to draw pleasure from the following activity: hitting a ball with a crooked stick. and then walking after it! An then ..hitting it again!
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People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control.
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I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better.
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If God didn't want you to masturbate, he would have given you short arms.
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You're all going to die. I hate to remind you, but it is on your schedule. It probably won't happen when you'd like generally, it's an inconvenience.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.
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We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
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Hooray for most things!
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I always wanted and enjoyed sex, but I never put much importance on scoring or having an athletic sex life. I guess I define myself more by my career and my commitment to a relationship than by my ability to have a lot of chicks or achieve ten orgasms in an evening.
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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
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