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As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Money
May
Needs
Always
Claim
Somehow
Claims
Anyone
Powerful

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If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.
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I'd say pot has been a break-even proposition for me.
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I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
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For an entertainer, part of the thing you do is just style. And the coke did help me get into great runs of pure form.
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Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.
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If you nail a tool shed closed, how do you put the hammer away?
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Traditional American values: Genocide, aggression, conformity, emotional repression, hypocrisy, and the worship of comfort and consumer goods.
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Life is not that complicated.
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On the other hand, pot opens windows and doors that you may not be able to get through any other way.
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The ritual was very important to me: cleaning the pot, rolling the pot.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
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Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.
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Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.
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Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put it away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: 'I'm saving food!' Then a month later when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel really intelligent: 'I'm saving my life!'
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If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? Why is 'phonics' not spelled the way it sounds? How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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I think we overrate ourselves in terms of our abilities and capacities. I mean, just because you can build a really swell bridge doesn't, to my way of thinking, mean that you're an advanced civilization.
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Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the Ten Most Wanted criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list?
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I believe my first duty is to survive. And I'm not just talking about criminals coming into my home. I once seriously considered getting a gun to protect myself from the police. If I need a weapon to continue living, I'll get one. And I'll use it.
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You never see a smiling runner.
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