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As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Claims
Anyone
Powerful
Money
May
Needs
Always
Claim
Somehow

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Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.
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It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.
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Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.
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We now buy watches primarily for their looks, price, or additional functions. The fact that they tell time seems lost.
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I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.
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Once the high priests and the traders took over, we were lost as a species.
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.
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Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals!
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Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
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I quit school in ninth grade, even though I was good at the studies. I knew I didn't need school for what I wanted.
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One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow.
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Military cemeteries around the world are packed with brainwashed dead soldiers who were convinced God was on their side. America prays for God to destroy our enemies. Our enemies pray for God to destroy us. Somebody's gonna be disappointed! Somebody's wasting their time! Could it be.. everyone?
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And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
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There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.
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