Quote

If God didn't want you to masturbate, he would have given you short arms.

George Carlin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Masturbate
Short
Arms
Given
Didn
Would

More quotes by George Carlin

Image
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
George Carlin
Image
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
George Carlin
Image
I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.
George Carlin
Image
You take 5 white guys and you take 5 black guys and put em together for a week and what you won't have is 5 blacks guys talking like, 'Golly gee, we really won that big basketball game' but you will have 5 white guys talking like 'Yo slick, whuzzup...we be shootin hoops and mad playin, slammed those mofos
George Carlin
Image
The enjoyment has been diminishing. Now, there's no question that it's sort of fun to get high.
George Carlin
Image
I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better.
George Carlin
Image
If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? Why is 'phonics' not spelled the way it sounds? How come abbreviated is such a long word?
George Carlin
Image
Anyone who's onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided people. But I was never very interested in groupies. Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
George Carlin
Image
I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
George Carlin
Image
More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.
George Carlin
Image
No comment is a comment.
George Carlin
Image
If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
George Carlin
Image
Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.
George Carlin
Image
When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
George Carlin
Image
It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.
George Carlin
Image
I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
George Carlin
Image
I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave them to the symbol-minded.
George Carlin
Image
The straightest line between a straight distance is two points.
George Carlin
Image
Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.
George Carlin
Image
When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
George Carlin