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When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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More quotes by George Carlin
Life is a series of dogs.
George Carlin
You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic.
George Carlin
How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
George Carlin
If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
George Carlin
Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!
George Carlin
The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.
George Carlin
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
George Carlin
People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.
George Carlin
Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle. Same with swamps and wetlands.
George Carlin
So far, this is the oldest I've been.
George Carlin
George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
George Carlin
Don't confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything's gonna be all right.
George Carlin
The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage.
George Carlin
Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
George Carlin
I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
George Carlin
The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.
George Carlin
I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
George Carlin
Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.
George Carlin
Lenny Bruce genius was the unique ability to investigate hypocrisy and expose social inequities in a street rap that was really a form of poetry.
George Carlin
I profess no belief in God, which by definition is true, especially if we take the accepted definition of God. But to be an atheist is to also have a belief, and have a system, and I don't know that I like that either.
George Carlin