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When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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Recent
Somewhere

More quotes by George Carlin

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Religion cruelly exploits our need to feel connected.
George Carlin
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People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
George Carlin
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Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
George Carlin
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I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.
George Carlin
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When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
George Carlin
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There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
George Carlin
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I hope I'm beginning a new cycle of energy and creativity. If so, it'll really be my third career. The first was as a straight comic in the Sixties. The second was as a counterculture performer in the Seventies. The third will be...well, that's for others to judge.
George Carlin
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Military cemeteries around the world are packed with brainwashed dead soldiers who were convinced God was on their side. America prays for God to destroy our enemies. Our enemies pray for God to destroy us. Somebody's gonna be disappointed! Somebody's wasting their time! Could it be.. everyone?
George Carlin
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How is it possible to have a civil war?
George Carlin
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Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?
George Carlin
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The ritual was very important to me: cleaning the pot, rolling the pot.
George Carlin
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No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
George Carlin
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In terms of coke, the only money I ever thought about was that dollar bill I had stuck up my nose.
George Carlin
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
George Carlin
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I think of myself as an entertainer: I'm a performing entertainer, I'm a stand-up comic. But there's an artist at work here, too. One who interprets his world through his own filter.
George Carlin
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I was once dancing with a woman who told me she had a yeast infection so I told her to bake me some bread.
George Carlin
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Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.
George Carlin
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And, of course, the funniest food: kumquats. I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.
George Carlin
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I think there's a little more attention to human needs than to property rights. But I don't think much of political activism. It's so shortsighted. Most people are interested in their own personal comfort. I've said that about environmentalists. I think they care about bike paths and places to park their Volvos, not the planet as an abstraction.
George Carlin
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It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. That's our history. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free.
George Carlin