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When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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Recent
Somewhere
Left
Past

More quotes by George Carlin

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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot. And although I never forgot it, I never quite memorized it either. So what I’m left with is the memory of having learned something very wise that I can’t quite remember.
George Carlin
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Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.
George Carlin
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I respect animals. I have more sympathy for an injured or dead animal than I do for an injured or dead human being, because human beings participate and cooperate in their own undoing. Animals are completely innocent. There are no innocent human beings.
George Carlin
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That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
George Carlin
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
George Carlin
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What year did Jesus think it was?
George Carlin
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What exactly is 'viewer discretion'? If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air.
George Carlin
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There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
George Carlin
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Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.
George Carlin
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Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.
George Carlin
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When I listen to those tapes now, the real cocaine shows there's just nothing special about their content.
George Carlin
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I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
George Carlin
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Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain. America, America, man sheds his waste on thee, And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea.
George Carlin
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The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.
George Carlin
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Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
George Carlin
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In the 'bullshit department' a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman.
George Carlin
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Religion cruelly exploits our need to feel connected.
George Carlin
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Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves.
George Carlin
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What occurs as you age is an accumulation of information, data, knowledge, and what I'm going to call the matrix of the mind. There's just a rich, textured, field of information and impressions that have been all networked by the brain.
George Carlin
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People always tell me Have a nice day. Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
George Carlin