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When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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Somewhere
Left
Past
More quotes by George Carlin
Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and we don't want him to hurt himself.
George Carlin
Nothing rectifies out-of-control market failures like a healthy dose of government intervention and mountains of bureaucracy.
George Carlin
We now buy watches primarily for their looks, price, or additional functions. The fact that they tell time seems lost.
George Carlin
I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.
George Carlin
By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
George Carlin
I find that an entertainer is quite content to sit still, and I think an artist always has a little motion, always going somewhere. May not know where it is, but there is some sort of unnamed destination. There is some pulling, some movement. So I just found myself in that category according to my own analysis.
George Carlin
The future will soon be a thing of the past.
George Carlin
Fussy eater is a euphemism for big pain in the ass.
George Carlin
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
George Carlin
If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? Why is 'phonics' not spelled the way it sounds? How come abbreviated is such a long word?
George Carlin
Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.
George Carlin
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
George Carlin
Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
George Carlin
Once the high priests and the traders took over, we were lost as a species.
George Carlin
I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.
George Carlin
I'm certainly a skeptic. I always quibble with people.
George Carlin
Number one, one, one on wonderful WINO.
George Carlin
Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass.
George Carlin
I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.
George Carlin
One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. Actually, it's just one more bullshit political philosophy.
George Carlin
