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We now buy watches primarily for their looks, price, or additional functions. The fact that they tell time seems lost.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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Facts
Functions
Tell
Primarily
Seems
Price
Looks
Function
Time
Watches
Fact
Lost
More quotes by George Carlin
I find that an entertainer is quite content to sit still, and I think an artist always has a little motion, always going somewhere. May not know where it is, but there is some sort of unnamed destination. There is some pulling, some movement. So I just found myself in that category according to my own analysis.
George Carlin
We [americans] are not a freedom-loving people in the beautiful, spiritual sense. We have an inspiring Constitution, but we're a hardhearted people.
George Carlin
Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.
George Carlin
I always wanted and enjoyed sex, but I never put much importance on scoring or having an athletic sex life. I guess I define myself more by my career and my commitment to a relationship than by my ability to have a lot of chicks or achieve ten orgasms in an evening.
George Carlin
Regarding local residents attempting to ban sex shops from their neighborhoods: You show me a parent who says he's worried about his child's innocence and I'll show you a homeowner trying to maintain equity.
George Carlin
I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
George Carlin
How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
George Carlin
Some people think that words can injure the psyche or the moral fiber. And they really can't.
George Carlin
Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.
George Carlin
God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.
George Carlin
You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
George Carlin
The ritual was very important to me: cleaning the pot, rolling the pot.
George Carlin
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
George Carlin
By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.
George Carlin
Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
George Carlin
The next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergyman's rate.
George Carlin
Nothing you see on the Internet is mine unless it comes from one of my albums, books, HBO specials, or appeared on my website.
George Carlin
They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.
George Carlin
I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
George Carlin
When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.
George Carlin
