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We now buy watches primarily for their looks, price, or additional functions. The fact that they tell time seems lost.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Time
Function
Watches
Fact
Lost
Facts
Additional
Tell
Functions
Seems
Primarily
Looks
Price

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One philosopher has rightly said that property is theft. But I'd like to use my future ownership of property to give something back.
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I respect animals. I have more sympathy for an injured or dead animal than I do for an injured or dead human being, because human beings participate and cooperate in their own undoing. Animals are completely innocent. There are no innocent human beings.
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By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.
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Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?
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Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.
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I have this real moron thing I do? It's called thinking.
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What exactly is 'viewer discretion'? If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air.
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I don't have hobbies hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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Number one, one, one on wonderful WINO.
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I think self-expression is present at all times, and whether or not you're talking about the outside world or your responses to it depends on the moment and the subject.
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In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
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I believe my first duty is to survive. And I'm not just talking about criminals coming into my home. I once seriously considered getting a gun to protect myself from the police. If I need a weapon to continue living, I'll get one. And I'll use it.
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There are an awful lot of things in the cut of street drugs that eventually make you sick. I reached a point where the skin around the edges of my fingernails used to hurt all the time. And it would peel away easily. Now, that must have been from some poison in the cut.
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There are actually people who go out and re-fight these battles. You know what I say? Use real ammunition! You just might raise the intelligence level of the American gene pool!
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Your home is your refuge.
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There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.
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If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
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Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to pare compare clothing.
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The straightest line between a straight distance is two points.
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