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To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Feels
Intoxicated
Sophisticated
Able
Feel
More quotes by George Carlin
The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.
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It's a keep your fingers crossed business, the entertainment business.
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Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.
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For an entertainer, part of the thing you do is just style. And the coke did help me get into great runs of pure form.
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People always tell me Have a nice day. Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
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The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
George Carlin
I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
George Carlin
Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?
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You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don't like people for extended periods of time. I'm all right with them for a little while, but once you get up past around... a minute, minute and a half, I gotta get the fuck out of there.
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Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
George Carlin
That's the whole meaning of life, isn't it? Trying to find a place for your stuff.
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In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
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What occurs as you age is an accumulation of information, data, knowledge, and what I'm going to call the matrix of the mind. There's just a rich, textured, field of information and impressions that have been all networked by the brain.
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Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!
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When I listen to those tapes now, the real cocaine shows there's just nothing special about their content.
George Carlin
The US Army has announced that although it is true they performed mind-destroying drug tests on hundreds of soldiers in the 1960s, none of the victims have been promoted beyond the rank of lieutenant colonel.
George Carlin
There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
George Carlin
Grass probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer.
George Carlin
I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why should it be illegal to sell something that's legal to give away?
George Carlin
A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. It just becomes something more entertaining.
George Carlin
