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The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Sicker
Medicine
Harder
Took
Remember

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Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
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I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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It's difficult enough for a young person to put his soul on the line in front of a lot of drunken people without having that hanging over his head, too.
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Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.
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All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.
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A pear is a failed apple.
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You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.
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Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
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When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
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I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
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I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
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They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.
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Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time.
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!
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