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The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Remember
Sicker
Medicine
Harder
Took
More quotes by George Carlin
All music is the blues. All of it.
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There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.
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If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
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I don't have hobbies hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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A pear is a failed apple.
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The phrase surgical strike might be more acceptable if it were common practice to perform surgery with high explosives.
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We now buy watches primarily for their looks, price, or additional functions. The fact that they tell time seems lost.
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A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, He was a loner. Well, of course he was a loner he killed everyone he came in contact with.
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If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?
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That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
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I call him Governor Bush because that's the only political office he's ever held legally in this country. I don't care where they hang his portrait, I don't care how big his library is. To me, he'll always be Governor Bush. I don't even capitalize his name when I type it anymore.
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I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.
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The straightest line between a straight distance is two points.
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When you quit school at an early age, I think you have a lifelong need to show the world - and maybe yourself - that you're really smart after all.
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In the doggie dictionary, under bow wow it says, See arf arf.
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People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
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Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
George Carlin
