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The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Sicker
Medicine
Harder
Took
Remember

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I think there's a little more attention to human needs than to property rights. But I don't think much of political activism. It's so shortsighted. Most people are interested in their own personal comfort. I've said that about environmentalists. I think they care about bike paths and places to park their Volvos, not the planet as an abstraction.
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I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
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Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.
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You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
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The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice!
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The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.
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The keys to America: The cross, the brew, the dollar, and the gun.
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Somewhere in the world is a doctor who is worse than all other doctors...and someone has an appointment with him in the morning.
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By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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Personally, emotionally, I'd rather divorce myself from the world than face the heartbreak of partial success. Because partial success implies overwhelming failure.
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They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!
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Every day I break my own personal record for number of days I have been alive.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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