Quote

Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Told
Looking
Use
Else
Someone
Back
Sometimes
Always
Discretion

More quotes by George Carlin

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You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven.
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The next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergyman's rate.
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
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One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow.
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I never take credit for anything, because it's mostly genetic to my way of thinking. Even the need to work hard with some genetic talent you're given - the need to go out and develop it, and push hard to bring it to people.
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There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.
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The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
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The secret of success is doing something you love, doing it well and being recognized for it
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As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money.
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I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there's nothin' like it. It's a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you're thinking. 'Aw, he's a comedian. He's just sayin' that stuff.' Good. That's exactly what I want you to think.
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Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.
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The future will soon be a thing of the past.
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I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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Life is tough, then you die.
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Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. That's our history. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free.
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We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years.
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