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Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Told
Looking
Use
Else
Someone
Back
Sometimes
Always
Discretion
More quotes by George Carlin
We think in language. We think in words. Language is the landscape of thought.
George Carlin
George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
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There's an idea that the human body is somehow evil and bad and there are parts of it that are especially evil and bad, and we should be ashamed. Fear, guilt and shame are built into the attitude toward sex and the body. It's reflected in these prohibitions and these taboos that we have.
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By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.
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There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.
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The next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergyman's rate.
George Carlin
I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!
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Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!
George Carlin
Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves.
George Carlin
One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
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Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
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One time. In 1965. August, for about an hour, I was both fine AND dandy at the same time. But nobody asked me how I was.
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When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.
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I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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By the next one [albom],Occupation: Foole, I was right back into the trip again. I'm more frantic, more breathless. You can hear how sick I am. If you want to see a cokehead, just look at the pictures on the Occupation: Foole album.
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The keys to America: The cross, the brew, the dollar, and the gun.
George Carlin
Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?
George Carlin
More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.
George Carlin
