Quote

Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Sometimes
Always
Discretion
Told
Looking
Use
Else
Someone
Back

More quotes by George Carlin

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There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.
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The secret of success is doing something you love, doing it well and being recognized for it
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I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
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When I first heard the song Don't worry - be happy I realized it was exactly the kind of mindless philosophy that Americans would respond to. It would make a great national anthem along with Me first.
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I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years.
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When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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All music is the blues. All of it.
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Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.
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Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?
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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
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Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals!
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You take 5 white guys and you take 5 black guys and put em together for a week and what you won't have is 5 blacks guys talking like, 'Golly gee, we really won that big basketball game' but you will have 5 white guys talking like 'Yo slick, whuzzup...we be shootin hoops and mad playin, slammed those mofos
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Don't confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything's gonna be all right.
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The planet is fine. The people are f****d. Because everyone is trying to save the planet. The planet doesn’t need that. The planet will take care of itself. People are selfish. And that's what they're doing is trying to save the planet for themselves to have a nicer place to live.
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God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.
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The whole problem with the world today: private property. If no one owned anything, it would be a lot better. There's even an entire industry devoted to keeping an eye on other people's stuff. This is how stupid it's got. If you decide to get rid of a lot of your stuff, you can give it to a thrift shop or to Goodwill.
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Hallucinogens are a value changer...like it or not, it changes your values, it opens up windows (doors of perception.)
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