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Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Make
Reduced
Discourse
Lips
Read
Political
Need
Needs
Assassins
Really
Beef
More quotes by George Carlin
Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and we don't want him to hurt himself.
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In most polls there are always about 5 percent of the people who 'don't know.' What isn't generally understood is that it's the same people in every poll.
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You're really spread out now, you've got stuff all over the WORLD! You've got stuff at home, stuff in storage, stuff in Honolulu, stuff in Maui, stuff in your pockets...supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain.
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The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
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Every day I break my own personal record for number of days I have been alive.
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I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
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People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
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Tits always look better in a pink sweater.
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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The planet isn't going anywhere. We are.
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Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think for myself and to be independent.
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Somewhere in the world is a doctor who is worse than all other doctors...and someone has an appointment with him in the morning.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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I don't consider myself a cynic. I think of myself as a skeptic and a realist. But I understand the word cynic has more than one meaning, and I see how I could be seen as cynical. George, you're cynical. Well, you know, they say if you scratch a cynic you find a disappointed idealist. And perhaps the flame still flickers a little, you know
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There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.
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Can placebos cause side effects? If so, are the side effects real?
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I call him Governor Bush because that's the only political office he's ever held legally in this country. I don't care where they hang his portrait, I don't care how big his library is. To me, he'll always be Governor Bush. I don't even capitalize his name when I type it anymore.
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I believe you can joke about anything.
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Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
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