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Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Make
Reduced
Discourse
Lips
Read
Political
Need
Needs
Assassins
Really
Beef
More quotes by George Carlin
I just love it when I hear a little commotion, someone leaving. When I see those doors in the back . . .
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Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get an infection, and you can see their point. They don't want some guy go to hell and be sick.
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I don't have hobbies hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
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Every day I break my own personal record for number of days I have been alive.
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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
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When I first heard the song Don't worry - be happy I realized it was exactly the kind of mindless philosophy that Americans would respond to. It would make a great national anthem along with Me first.
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I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.
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If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
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It seems to me like a perversion of talent for an artist of any kind to further the corporate structure of America or the personal interests of the morons and thieves who run it.
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It was the typical paranoid experience [to hide coke]. As soon as I knew my hiding place, I thought the whole world knew it. I'd write clues to my hiding places in code, then forget the code and spend the rest of the day looking for my coke.
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I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid.
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I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
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Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.
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When it comes to bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion... Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do.
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Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.
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You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away?
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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