Quote

Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Pilots
Airplane
Colors
Hats
Wearing
Color
Pastel
Three
Pilot
Never

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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.
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Sometimes, when I was really loaded, I'd sit on the floor and sort out every nut and bolt in the house. It was just sheer insanity. And often there'd be speed in the cut, so I was a speed freak, too.
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It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.
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Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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You never see a smiling runner.
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
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One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. Actually, it's just one more bullshit political philosophy.
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If you ask me, we could do with a little less motivation. - The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me. - Serial killers, stock swindlers, drug dealers, Christian Republicans.
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I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.
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And, of course, the funniest food: kumquats. I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.
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We now buy watches primarily for their looks, price, or additional functions. The fact that they tell time seems lost.
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It was the typical paranoid experience [to hide coke]. As soon as I knew my hiding place, I thought the whole world knew it. I'd write clues to my hiding places in code, then forget the code and spend the rest of the day looking for my coke.
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There's a thing about cocaine - when I was doing it secretly, it didn't make me very sociable. I forget how others were, but it made me very inner-directed. So being in a sketch and rehearsing and the hail fellow well met camaraderie and all that stuff, I couldn't fake that or force that. It was painful.
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In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Colosseum called the Caesarian Section.
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In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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We [americans] are not a freedom-loving people in the beautiful, spiritual sense. We have an inspiring Constitution, but we're a hardhearted people.
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I profess no belief in God, which by definition is true, especially if we take the accepted definition of God. But to be an atheist is to also have a belief, and have a system, and I don't know that I like that either.
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