Quote

Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Never
Pilot
Pilots
Airplane
Colors
Hats
Wearing
Color
Three
Pastel

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If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? Why is 'phonics' not spelled the way it sounds? How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.
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Self-expression is a hallmark of an artist, of art, to get something off one's chest, to sing one's song. So that element is present in all art. It is the key to even standing up and saying, Hey, listen to me. Self-expression can be based on looking at the world and making observations about it.
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.
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A pear is a failed apple.
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Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.
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There's an idea that the human body is somehow evil and bad and there are parts of it that are especially evil and bad, and we should be ashamed. Fear, guilt and shame are built into the attitude toward sex and the body. It's reflected in these prohibitions and these taboos that we have.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
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One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
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It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.
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When I first heard the song Don't worry - be happy I realized it was exactly the kind of mindless philosophy that Americans would respond to. It would make a great national anthem along with Me first.
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First I was a mimic. Practically from the moment I began talking, I did impersonations of the people in my neighborhood - the storekeepers, the policemen, my teachers.
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. [And] I want to be known for what I do best.
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That's the whole meaning of life, isn't it? Trying to find a place for your stuff.
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We spend the early years feeding our brains with information and the latter half trying not to think about it all.
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