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Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Hats
Wearing
Color
Three
Pastel
Never
Pilot
Pilots
Airplane
Colors
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Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.
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I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.
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Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
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I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.
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The future will soon be a thing of the past.
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Singing is basically a form of pleasant, controlled screaming.
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It seems to me like a perversion of talent for an artist of any kind to further the corporate structure of America or the personal interests of the morons and thieves who run it.
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All music is the blues. All of it.
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The whole problem with this idea of obscenity and indecency, and all of these things - bad language and whatever - it's all caused by one basic thing, and that is: religious superstition.
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I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.
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Anyone who's onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided people. But I was never very interested in groupies. Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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I'm 60 years of age. That's 16 Celsius.
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There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
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I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.
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