Quote

Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Colors
Hats
Wearing
Color
Three
Pastel
Never
Pilot
Pilots
Airplane

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Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
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The phrase surgical strike might be more acceptable if it were common practice to perform surgery with high explosives.
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War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class young men off to die. It always has been.
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Broadway isn't a very big career move. There's no money in it and it doesn't mean anything to your career. It's just a nice little jewel in the crown.
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There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!
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How old are you? 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
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The secret of success is doing something you love, doing it well and being recognized for it
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The dividend I get [from my compulsion] is the freedom to be totally disorderly in my dreamworld.
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No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go down, and that's when you can slip in a good idea.
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There's an idea that the human body is somehow evil and bad and there are parts of it that are especially evil and bad, and we should be ashamed. Fear, guilt and shame are built into the attitude toward sex and the body. It's reflected in these prohibitions and these taboos that we have.
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Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. Tell them what you've painted is wet, they have to touch it to believe.
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I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
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Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.
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People get all upset about torture, but when you get right down to it, it's really a pretty good way of finding out something a person doesn't want you to know.
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My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
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I call him Governor Bush because that's the only political office he's ever held legally in this country. I don't care where they hang his portrait, I don't care how big his library is. To me, he'll always be Governor Bush. I don't even capitalize his name when I type it anymore.
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The whole problem with the world today: private property. If no one owned anything, it would be a lot better. There's even an entire industry devoted to keeping an eye on other people's stuff. This is how stupid it's got. If you decide to get rid of a lot of your stuff, you can give it to a thrift shop or to Goodwill.
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