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Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Three
Pastel
Never
Pilot
Pilots
Airplane
Colors
Hats
Wearing
Color
More quotes by George Carlin
There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
George Carlin
What I hated most was seeing those priests and brothers getting so much pleasure out of inflicting pain. I wondered what was wrong with them.
George Carlin
Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!
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The ritual was very important to me: cleaning the pot, rolling the pot.
George Carlin
When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
George Carlin
Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.
George Carlin
We think in language. We think in words. Language is the landscape of thought.
George Carlin
There's an idea that the human body is somehow evil and bad and there are parts of it that are especially evil and bad, and we should be ashamed. Fear, guilt and shame are built into the attitude toward sex and the body. It's reflected in these prohibitions and these taboos that we have.
George Carlin
Once the high priests and the traders took over, we were lost as a species.
George Carlin
No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.
George Carlin
One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
George Carlin
Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
George Carlin
I was once dancing with a woman who told me she had a yeast infection so I told her to bake me some bread.
George Carlin
I try not to see new comics - their acts or their films. Part of that is professional. I don't want to be influenced. But another part is fear and jealousy. I'm afraid to see how good they might be. I don't like that emotion, but it's part of me.
George Carlin
Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.
George Carlin
Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.
George Carlin
President George Bush declared a National Day of Prayer for Peace. This was after he had carefully arranged and started the war.
George Carlin
If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
George Carlin
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
George Carlin
Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.
George Carlin
