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Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Airplane
Colors
Hats
Wearing
Color
Three
Pastel
Never
Pilot
Pilots
More quotes by George Carlin
A pear is a failed apple.
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When you quit school at an early age, I think you have a lifelong need to show the world - and maybe yourself - that you're really smart after all.
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I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'
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There's a thing about cocaine - when I was doing it secretly, it didn't make me very sociable. I forget how others were, but it made me very inner-directed. So being in a sketch and rehearsing and the hail fellow well met camaraderie and all that stuff, I couldn't fake that or force that. It was painful.
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Shopping and buying and getting and having comprise the Great American Addiction. No one is immune. When the underclass riots in this country they don't kill policemen and politicians, they steal merchandise. How embarrassing.
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Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass.
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Interesting form of murder we come up with: Assassination. We assassinate people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Apparently we are not ready to live together.
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You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.
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Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
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I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
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Dogs and cats get put to sleep hogs and cows get slaughtered.
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If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.
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Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.
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The more complicated the order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half soy, half lowfat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet,' ooooh, you're a huge asshole.
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I think it keeps the child alive in me. There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people.
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They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street.
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I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
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