Quote

Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Colors
Hats
Wearing
Color
Three
Pastel
Never
Pilot
Pilots
Airplane

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The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice!
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If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
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Language always gives you away.
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We spend the early years feeding our brains with information and the latter half trying not to think about it all.
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I say things that can be defined as prayers. But I don't pray to a power or ask an entity to intercede in the earthly scheme, because I don't believe that happens. But if I see a really unfortunate person in the street, I do pray, yes, though I suppose it's really more like a mantra to ease my own sorrow.
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Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and we don't want him to hurt himself.
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When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.
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The more complicated the order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half soy, half lowfat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet,' ooooh, you're a huge asshole.
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Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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I have this real moron thing I do? It's called thinking.
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In Hawaii they say, aloha. That's a nice one, It means both hello and good-bye Which just goes to show, if you spend enough time in the sun you don't know whether you're coming or going.
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As far as I'm concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that's worth believing.
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Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
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If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.
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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
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Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.
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It is said that Indians were sometimes named for the first thing they saw when they were born. Makes you wonder why there aren't more Indians named Hairy Pussy, doesn't it?
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If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?
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I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.
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