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It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Illegal
Women
Men
Legal
More quotes by George Carlin
I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
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I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why should it be illegal to sell something that's legal to give away?
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I think it keeps the child alive in me. There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people.
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The enjoyment has been diminishing. Now, there's no question that it's sort of fun to get high.
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That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
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Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.
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My money buys me the freedom not to be a member of the corporate structure. And I certainly don't feel guilty or hypocritical about that. The way our economy is set up, if you don't want to be a corporate moron and you don't want to be enfeebled in the streets, you must earn enough to know that you'll never have to go to them for money.
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There are actually people who go out and re-fight these battles. You know what I say? Use real ammunition! You just might raise the intelligence level of the American gene pool!
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I'm certainly a skeptic. I always quibble with people.
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When people asked me, Do you get high to go onstage? I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.
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I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.
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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep.
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The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave them to the symbol-minded.
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Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!
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Nothing rectifies out-of-control market failures like a healthy dose of government intervention and mountains of bureaucracy.
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Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.
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