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It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
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Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Women
Men
Legal
Illegal
More quotes by George Carlin
The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice!
George Carlin
The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.
George Carlin
Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.
George Carlin
The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
George Carlin
Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
George Carlin
My money buys me the freedom not to be a member of the corporate structure. And I certainly don't feel guilty or hypocritical about that. The way our economy is set up, if you don't want to be a corporate moron and you don't want to be enfeebled in the streets, you must earn enough to know that you'll never have to go to them for money.
George Carlin
The phrase surgical strike might be more acceptable if it were common practice to perform surgery with high explosives.
George Carlin
What occurs as you age is an accumulation of information, data, knowledge, and what I'm going to call the matrix of the mind. There's just a rich, textured, field of information and impressions that have been all networked by the brain.
George Carlin
Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain. America, America, man sheds his waste on thee, And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea.
George Carlin
No comment is a comment.
George Carlin
When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend.
George Carlin
Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away?
George Carlin
On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.
George Carlin
I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
George Carlin
We think in language. The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language.
George Carlin
Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.
George Carlin
It's harder to be funny from the position of power.
George Carlin
It's a keep your fingers crossed business, the entertainment business.
George Carlin
Whereas your blackness, ethnicity, homosexuality is something that might be genetic, I can't touch that, and I have no right.
George Carlin
Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
George Carlin
