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It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
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Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Legal
Illegal
Women
Men
More quotes by George Carlin
I quit school in ninth grade, even though I was good at the studies. I knew I didn't need school for what I wanted.
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For an entertainer, part of the thing you do is just style. And the coke did help me get into great runs of pure form.
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Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.
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Language always gives you away.
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As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money.
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All the wrong things for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes people just want to feel different. And so long as Third World peasants are poor they will send us drugs, and as long as we are empty we will ask for this little plant.
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What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
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Somewhere in the world is a doctor who is worse than all other doctors...and someone has an appointment with him in the morning.
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If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
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Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
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Why do they bother saying raw sewage? Do some people actually cook that stuff?
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Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!
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Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
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Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. Tell them what you've painted is wet, they have to touch it to believe.
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Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards
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In Hawaii they say, aloha. That's a nice one, It means both hello and good-bye Which just goes to show, if you spend enough time in the sun you don't know whether you're coming or going.
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Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
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Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.
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If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
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People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
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