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It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Legal
Illegal
Women
Men

More quotes by George Carlin

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Somewhere in the world is a doctor who is worse than all other doctors...and someone has an appointment with him in the morning.
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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?
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I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew.
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My left descending septal branch artery decided to close without consultation with any of my other organs. It happened on Saint Patrick's Day, 1978.
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
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What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
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The secret of success is doing something you love, doing it well and being recognized for it
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I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.
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I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.
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The rebellious mood of the country during those [60th] years allowed me to plug right back into my old hatreds. I could scream and holler, as I did on the albums, against religion, government, big business - all those assholes and their values. That hatred was very real.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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I never take credit for anything, because it's mostly genetic to my way of thinking. Even the need to work hard with some genetic talent you're given - the need to go out and develop it, and push hard to bring it to people.
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That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
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Interesting form of murder we come up with: Assassination. We assassinate people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Apparently we are not ready to live together.
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You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven.
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A pear is a failed apple.
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I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
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I don't like the phrase shock value. Surprise is essential in comedy, and if people are shocked by what I consider merely surprising, then that's their shock. But there is no joke without surprise.
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You take 5 white guys and you take 5 black guys and put em together for a week and what you won't have is 5 blacks guys talking like, 'Golly gee, we really won that big basketball game' but you will have 5 white guys talking like 'Yo slick, whuzzup...we be shootin hoops and mad playin, slammed those mofos
George Carlin