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It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Illegal
Women
Men
Legal
More quotes by George Carlin
I don't consider myself a cynic. I think of myself as a skeptic and a realist. But I understand the word cynic has more than one meaning, and I see how I could be seen as cynical. George, you're cynical. Well, you know, they say if you scratch a cynic you find a disappointed idealist. And perhaps the flame still flickers a little, you know
George Carlin
I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
George Carlin
Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think for myself and to be independent.
George Carlin
Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.
George Carlin
You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.
George Carlin
There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting!
George Carlin
I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there's nothin' like it. It's a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you're thinking. 'Aw, he's a comedian. He's just sayin' that stuff.' Good. That's exactly what I want you to think.
George Carlin
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
George Carlin
Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!
George Carlin
There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
George Carlin
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
George Carlin
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
George Carlin
Christian Deodorant: Thou Shalt Not Smell
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I'll tell you a little secret about the Blues: it's not enough to know which notes to play, you have to know why they need to be played.
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I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.
George Carlin
What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
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People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.
George Carlin
I went to George Washington High School for six months before my 16th birthday, when I could legally quit. That was an even worse experience than the Catholic schools. I mean, they were still teaching fractions. But mostly, I played hooky.
George Carlin
People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
George Carlin
A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, He was a loner. Well, of course he was a loner he killed everyone he came in contact with.
George Carlin
