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It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
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Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Legal
Illegal
Women
Men
More quotes by George Carlin
When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.
George Carlin
All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.
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Why do they bother saying raw sewage? Do some people actually cook that stuff?
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One time. In 1965. August, for about an hour, I was both fine AND dandy at the same time. But nobody asked me how I was.
George Carlin
It's harder to be funny from the position of power.
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Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put it away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: 'I'm saving food!' Then a month later when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel really intelligent: 'I'm saving my life!'
George Carlin
Your home is your refuge.
George Carlin
The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind
George Carlin
I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid.
George Carlin
Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!
George Carlin
Sometimes a fireman will go to great strenuous lengths to save a raccoon that's stuck in a drainpipe and then go out on the weekend and kill several of them for amusement.
George Carlin
Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
George Carlin
People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.
George Carlin
There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.
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To my surprise, my marijuana use has been tapering off steadily.
George Carlin
At 68 I'm every age I ever was. I always think of that. I'm not just 68. I'm also 55 and 21 and three. Oh especially three.
George Carlin
I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.
George Carlin
I believe you can joke about anything.
George Carlin
It seems to me like a perversion of talent for an artist of any kind to further the corporate structure of America or the personal interests of the morons and thieves who run it.
George Carlin
I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no I in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity.
George Carlin
