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It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Legal
Illegal
Women
Men

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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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Cancer research is a growth industry.
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The future will soon be a thing of the past.
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I think we overrate ourselves in terms of our abilities and capacities. I mean, just because you can build a really swell bridge doesn't, to my way of thinking, mean that you're an advanced civilization.
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I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me an artistic detachment that I find valuable. I think the human race has squandered its gift, and I think this country has squandered its promise, for the sake of cell phones and Jet Skis.
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Religion is a self-conferred intellectual decision it's not something you get at birth and is unchangeable. You're collusive with the religion when you accept it you have a choice.
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Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.
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I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.
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Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
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In most polls there are always about 5 percent of the people who 'don't know.' What isn't generally understood is that it's the same people in every poll.
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The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.
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Tits always look better in a pink sweater.
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What do dogs do on their day off? Can't lie around – that's their job!
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That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
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A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. It just becomes something more entertaining.
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No one is ever more him/herself than when they really laugh. Their defenses are down. It's very Zen-like, that moment. They are completely open.
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Christian Deodorant: Thou Shalt Not Smell
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.
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It's depressing to see blacks wanting to dive into the mainstream of American commercial life. They come from a magnificent African culture based on aesthetics, and they all want to become fort builders like the vicious people who originally enslaved them.
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I find that an entertainer is quite content to sit still, and I think an artist always has a little motion, always going somewhere. May not know where it is, but there is some sort of unnamed destination. There is some pulling, some movement. So I just found myself in that category according to my own analysis.
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