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I do something about the weather. I stay home.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Weather
Stay
Home
Something

More quotes by George Carlin

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The planet is fine. The people are f****d. Because everyone is trying to save the planet. The planet doesn’t need that. The planet will take care of itself. People are selfish. And that's what they're doing is trying to save the planet for themselves to have a nicer place to live.
George Carlin
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There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
George Carlin
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At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure
George Carlin
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I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.
George Carlin
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I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist.
George Carlin
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Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.
George Carlin
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Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.
George Carlin
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It's a keep your fingers crossed business, the entertainment business.
George Carlin
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The next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergyman's rate.
George Carlin
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You're all going to die. I hate to remind you, but it is on your schedule. It probably won't happen when you'd like generally, it's an inconvenience.
George Carlin
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In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
George Carlin
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Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
George Carlin
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Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.
George Carlin
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. [And] I want to be known for what I do best.
George Carlin
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
George Carlin
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No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go down, and that's when you can slip in a good idea.
George Carlin
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Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass.
George Carlin
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
George Carlin
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So far, this is the oldest I've been.
George Carlin
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
George Carlin