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I do something about the weather. I stay home.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Something
Weather
Stay
Home

More quotes by George Carlin

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The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice!
George Carlin
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Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards
George Carlin
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What occurs as you age is an accumulation of information, data, knowledge, and what I'm going to call the matrix of the mind. There's just a rich, textured, field of information and impressions that have been all networked by the brain.
George Carlin
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Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass.
George Carlin
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Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
George Carlin
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What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
George Carlin
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I'd say pot has been a break-even proposition for me.
George Carlin
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I'm not collegial, I don't hang out. I'm soloist, I like my solitude, I don't really hang around with comedians.
George Carlin
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The secretiveness. The stealth. Those were obviously the aspects of cocaine use I was addicted to.
George Carlin
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Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!
George Carlin
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I believe you can joke about anything.
George Carlin
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Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.
George Carlin
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Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.
George Carlin
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I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
George Carlin
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The phrase surgical strike might be more acceptable if it were common practice to perform surgery with high explosives.
George Carlin
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
George Carlin
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I say things that can be defined as prayers. But I don't pray to a power or ask an entity to intercede in the earthly scheme, because I don't believe that happens. But if I see a really unfortunate person in the street, I do pray, yes, though I suppose it's really more like a mantra to ease my own sorrow.
George Carlin
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If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.
George Carlin
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Does killing time damage eternity?
George Carlin
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When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend.
George Carlin