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Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Game
Century
Struggle
Pastoral
Games
Nineteenth
Twentieth
Technological
Baseball
Football
More quotes by George Carlin
If drumsticks are for playing drums, you would think that breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn't you? Would you like some breadsticks? No, thank you, I don't play bread. I play drums. Perhaps I'll have a drum roll.
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Military cemeteries around the world are packed with brainwashed dead soldiers who were convinced God was on their side. America prays for God to destroy our enemies. Our enemies pray for God to destroy us. Somebody's gonna be disappointed! Somebody's wasting their time! Could it be.. everyone?
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Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.
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As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money.
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Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
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Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards
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Personally, emotionally, I'd rather divorce myself from the world than face the heartbreak of partial success. Because partial success implies overwhelming failure.
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If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.
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Broadway isn't a very big career move. There's no money in it and it doesn't mean anything to your career. It's just a nice little jewel in the crown.
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Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back.
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You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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I always knew I could hold people's attention and make them laugh every 30 or 40 seconds, and I got approval and attention for that, so the behavior was reinforced. Later, that became an important skill on the street corner.
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Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?
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Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
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I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.
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How is it possible to have a civil war?
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