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Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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Nineteenth
Twentieth
Technological
Baseball
Football
Game
Century
Struggle
Pastoral
More quotes by George Carlin
The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage.
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One philosopher has rightly said that property is theft. But I'd like to use my future ownership of property to give something back.
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Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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Besides the drugs and counterculture, I started talking about myself, which is the first thing you do when you are a writer.
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A dog has no shame. If he can do it, you can watch.
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I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no I in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity.
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Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
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There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
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Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
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Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
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We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
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One of the interesting things about outsidership is that underneath it there's a longing to belong. I just wish the thing I refused to belong to - the species, Western capital culture - was a little more respectable. My one true relaxation is my flotation tank, in which I can either meditate or just drift off.
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What exactly is 'viewer discretion'? If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air.
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I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
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Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.
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By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
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