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Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Game
Century
Struggle
Pastoral
Games
Nineteenth
Twentieth
Technological
Baseball
Football

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All the wrong things for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes people just want to feel different. And so long as Third World peasants are poor they will send us drugs, and as long as we are empty we will ask for this little plant.
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If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?
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I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're too tired.
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Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.
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When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.
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Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
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With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.
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No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.
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When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.
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No one is ever more him/herself than when they really laugh. Their defenses are down. It's very Zen-like, that moment. They are completely open.
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It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.
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Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain. America, America, man sheds his waste on thee, And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea.
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
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