Quote

And, of course, the funniest food: kumquats. I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.

George Carlin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Course
Home
Funniest
Even
Anymore
Waste
Laughing
Food
Bring
Courses

More quotes by George Carlin

Image
Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards
George Carlin
Image
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
George Carlin
Image
I think there's a little more attention to human needs than to property rights. But I don't think much of political activism. It's so shortsighted. Most people are interested in their own personal comfort. I've said that about environmentalists. I think they care about bike paths and places to park their Volvos, not the planet as an abstraction.
George Carlin
Image
hard work is a misleading term. physical effort & long hours do not constitute hard work. hard work is when someone pays you to do something you'd rather not be doing. anytime you'd rather be doing something other than the thing you're doing...you're doing hard work.
George Carlin
Image
People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
George Carlin
Image
I should think it takes a fairly low intellect to draw pleasure from the following activity: hitting a ball with a crooked stick. and then walking after it! An then ..hitting it again!
George Carlin
Image
Irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence.
George Carlin
Image
If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.
George Carlin
Image
Traditional American values: Genocide, aggression, conformity, emotional repression, hypocrisy, and the worship of comfort and consumer goods.
George Carlin
Image
If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!
George Carlin
Image
If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
George Carlin
Image
They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!
George Carlin
Image
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
George Carlin
Image
Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.
George Carlin
Image
I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
George Carlin
Image
The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
George Carlin
Image
One of the interesting things about outsidership is that underneath it there's a longing to belong. I just wish the thing I refused to belong to - the species, Western capital culture - was a little more respectable. My one true relaxation is my flotation tank, in which I can either meditate or just drift off.
George Carlin
Image
Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.
George Carlin
Image
The US Army has announced that although it is true they performed mind-destroying drug tests on hundreds of soldiers in the 1960s, none of the victims have been promoted beyond the rank of lieutenant colonel.
George Carlin
Image
We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
George Carlin