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And, of course, the funniest food: kumquats. I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
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Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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More quotes by George Carlin
We kind of shape our truths as we speak them. We fashion things to suit the occasion or the person or our own needs in the moment.
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I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!
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My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
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One of the interesting things about outsidership is that underneath it there's a longing to belong. I just wish the thing I refused to belong to - the species, Western capital culture - was a little more respectable. My one true relaxation is my flotation tank, in which I can either meditate or just drift off.
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I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
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Every person you look at, you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking
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Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.
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How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?
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So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
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As far as I'm concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that's worth believing.
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Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?
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I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.
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Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
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The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice!
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We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
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No one is ever more him/herself than when they really laugh. Their defenses are down. It's very Zen-like, that moment. They are completely open.
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I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
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Life is tough, then you die.
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I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep.
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Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
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