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And, of course, the funniest food: kumquats. I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
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Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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More quotes by George Carlin
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Religion cruelly exploits our need to feel connected.
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Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.
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Have you ever started a path? No one seems willing to do this. We don't mind using existing paths, but we rarely start new ones. Do it today. Start a path. Even if it doesn't lead anywhere
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It's harder to be funny from the position of power.
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I think it keeps the child alive in me. There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people.
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The highly motivated people in society are the ones causing all the trouble. It's not the lazy unmotivated folks sitting in front of a TV eating potato chips who bother anyone.
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Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.
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People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment, because I feel if I have my physical space in order, then I'm free to dream.
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You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
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Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
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All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.
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What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
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I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
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Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?
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When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.
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Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
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It's difficult enough for a young person to put his soul on the line in front of a lot of drunken people without having that hanging over his head, too.
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