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Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Game
Takes
Games
Space
Country
Elitist
Much
Arrogant
Entirely
Golf

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When it comes to bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion... Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do.
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I'm 60 years of age. That's 16 Celsius.
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I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
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I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there's nothin' like it. It's a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you're thinking. 'Aw, he's a comedian. He's just sayin' that stuff.' Good. That's exactly what I want you to think.
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We spend the early years feeding our brains with information and the latter half trying not to think about it all.
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I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in the Ronald Reagan administration.
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My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
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One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow.
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If God didn't want you to masturbate, he would have given you short arms.
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Self-expression is a hallmark of an artist, of art, to get something off one's chest, to sing one's song. So that element is present in all art. It is the key to even standing up and saying, Hey, listen to me. Self-expression can be based on looking at the world and making observations about it.
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If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
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