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George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Wonderful
Wino
Winos
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More quotes by George Carlin

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Interesting form of murder we come up with: Assassination. We assassinate people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Apparently we are not ready to live together.
George Carlin
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If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
George Carlin
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
George Carlin
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Every person you look at, you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking
George Carlin
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Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
George Carlin
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People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control.
George Carlin
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
George Carlin
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The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.
George Carlin
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I think self-expression is present at all times, and whether or not you're talking about the outside world or your responses to it depends on the moment and the subject.
George Carlin
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I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in the Ronald Reagan administration.
George Carlin
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When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.
George Carlin
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In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
George Carlin
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Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.
George Carlin
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One of the interesting things about outsidership is that underneath it there's a longing to belong. I just wish the thing I refused to belong to - the species, Western capital culture - was a little more respectable. My one true relaxation is my flotation tank, in which I can either meditate or just drift off.
George Carlin
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More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.
George Carlin
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Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
George Carlin
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I don't have hobbies hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
George Carlin
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Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
George Carlin
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My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
George Carlin
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That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
George Carlin