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Every day I break my own personal record for number of days I have been alive.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Break
Every
Record
Number
Records
Personal
Numbers
Days
Alive

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Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.
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Surround yourself with what you love.
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It was the typical paranoid experience [to hide coke]. As soon as I knew my hiding place, I thought the whole world knew it. I'd write clues to my hiding places in code, then forget the code and spend the rest of the day looking for my coke.
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They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.
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I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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The whole problem with this idea of obscenity and indecency, and all of these things - bad language and whatever - it's all caused by one basic thing, and that is: religious superstition.
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The secret of success is doing something you love, doing it well and being recognized for it
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I quit school in ninth grade, even though I was good at the studies. I knew I didn't need school for what I wanted.
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Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
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If this is the best God can do, I'm not impressed.
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Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.
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Cancer research is a growth industry.
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hard work is a misleading term. physical effort & long hours do not constitute hard work. hard work is when someone pays you to do something you'd rather not be doing. anytime you'd rather be doing something other than the thing you're doing...you're doing hard work.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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We think in language. We think in words. Language is the landscape of thought.
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I'm 60 years of age. That's 16 Celsius.
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And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
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Life is a zero sum game.
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Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.
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Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.
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