Quote

There are actually people who go out and re-fight these battles. You know what I say? Use real ammunition! You just might raise the intelligence level of the American gene pool!

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Real
Level
Gene
People
Fight
Battles
Levels
Genes
Fighting
Pool
American
Raise
Actually
Raises
Use
Intelligence
Might
Battle
Ammunition

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My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelette? Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? When did this happen that we passed chickens in goodness? Name six ways we're better than chickens. See, nobody can do it! You know why? 'Cause chickens are decent people.
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That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
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Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.
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People have material needs, but you don't need a deodorant for every different day of the week. You don't need four hundred varieties of mustard. This is what I call too many choices. There are too many choices in America.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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Do you remember Barbara Bush? I call her the silver douchebag.
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I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
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I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.
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Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
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hard work is a misleading term. physical effort & long hours do not constitute hard work. hard work is when someone pays you to do something you'd rather not be doing. anytime you'd rather be doing something other than the thing you're doing...you're doing hard work.
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I definitely have a gift for language that is rhythmic and attractive to the ear, and I have interesting [verbal] imagery which I guess is a poetic touch.
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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What year did Jesus think it was?
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In terms of coke, the only money I ever thought about was that dollar bill I had stuck up my nose.
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The planet isn't going anywhere. We are.
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You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic.
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I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.
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