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Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Never
Restaurant
Hitler
Restaurants
Table
Tables
Somehow
Reservations
Found
Bothered
Always
Dropped
More quotes by George Carlin
Life is tough, then you die.
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My mother and her plans for my future. She had it all worked out. I would attend a nice college, then get a job in advertising. You'll be one of those smart-looking fellows in their Madison Avenue suits. And I rebelled against [my mother] and her values and her plans for my future at every opportunity.
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They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.
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Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
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Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.
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I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave them to the symbol-minded.
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Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.
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What occurs as you age is an accumulation of information, data, knowledge, and what I'm going to call the matrix of the mind. There's just a rich, textured, field of information and impressions that have been all networked by the brain.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.
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The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.
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If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!
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You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.
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As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
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The Class Clown album was done totally sober. I'd realized what a hell I'd made for myself and I cleaned up completely for three months. You can hear the clarity of my thinking and of my speech on that album.
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Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get an infection, and you can see their point. They don't want some guy go to hell and be sick.
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The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.
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If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
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