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Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Always
Dropped
Never
Restaurant
Hitler
Restaurants
Table
Tables
Somehow
Reservations
Found
Bothered
More quotes by George Carlin
Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.
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Irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence.
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If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
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Hallucinogens are a value changer...like it or not, it changes your values, it opens up windows (doors of perception.)
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There are an awful lot of things in the cut of street drugs that eventually make you sick. I reached a point where the skin around the edges of my fingernails used to hurt all the time. And it would peel away easily. Now, that must have been from some poison in the cut.
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Christian Deodorant: Thou Shalt Not Smell
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
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I don't like the phrase shock value. Surprise is essential in comedy, and if people are shocked by what I consider merely surprising, then that's their shock. But there is no joke without surprise.
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We think in language. We think in words. Language is the landscape of thought.
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It's depressing to see blacks wanting to dive into the mainstream of American commercial life. They come from a magnificent African culture based on aesthetics, and they all want to become fort builders like the vicious people who originally enslaved them.
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Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.
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I'm not collegial, I don't hang out. I'm soloist, I like my solitude, I don't really hang around with comedians.
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Cancer research is a growth industry.
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The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
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There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.
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Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.
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I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
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Interesting form of murder we come up with: Assassination. We assassinate people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Apparently we are not ready to live together.
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It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. That's our history. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free.
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I don't have hobbies hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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