Quote

How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Satellite
Satellites
Announce
Spy
Television

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As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
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The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.
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There was a built-in audience for the rebel in me that had been all along not expressing himself.
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Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?
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I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why should it be illegal to sell something that's legal to give away?
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Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.
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That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. [And] I want to be known for what I do best.
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Don't confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything's gonna be all right.
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I was a stonehead for 30 years. I'd wake up in the morning and if I couldn't decide whether I wanted a joint or not, I'd smoke a joint to figure it out. And I stayed high all day long.
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Number one, one, one on wonderful WINO.
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To me, smoking pot meant sitting with a newspaper on my legs, rolling the seeds down, pulling the twigs out and finally producing a perfectly cylindrical, absolutely wonderful joint that you either locked at both ends or pinched off, or pinched at one end and left open at the other.
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We spend the early years feeding our brains with information and the latter half trying not to think about it all.
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I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
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Irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence.
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What year did Jesus think it was?
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Regarding local residents attempting to ban sex shops from their neighborhoods: You show me a parent who says he's worried about his child's innocence and I'll show you a homeowner trying to maintain equity.
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If you ask me, we could do with a little less motivation. - The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me. - Serial killers, stock swindlers, drug dealers, Christian Republicans.
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In the 'bullshit department' a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman.
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I just love it when I hear a little commotion, someone leaving. When I see those doors in the back . . .
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