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I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Thinking
Screens
Allows
Kill
Comedy
Funny
Persons
Button
Person
Buttons
Think
Screen

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I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
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I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why should it be illegal to sell something that's legal to give away?
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.
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No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
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I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
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Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.
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Fussy eater is a euphemism for big pain in the ass.
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By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.
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If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.
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Sometimes a fireman will go to great strenuous lengths to save a raccoon that's stuck in a drainpipe and then go out on the weekend and kill several of them for amusement.
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One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow.
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