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I profess no belief in God, which by definition is true, especially if we take the accepted definition of God. But to be an atheist is to also have a belief, and have a system, and I don't know that I like that either.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
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Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
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Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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Atheist
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If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.
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The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.
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The women who line up at a comic's dressing-room door are not what you'd call your class groupies.
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The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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When people asked me, Do you get high to go onstage? I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.
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Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
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The whole problem with the world today: private property. If no one owned anything, it would be a lot better. There's even an entire industry devoted to keeping an eye on other people's stuff. This is how stupid it's got. If you decide to get rid of a lot of your stuff, you can give it to a thrift shop or to Goodwill.
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Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
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I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
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As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money.
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Singing is basically a form of pleasant, controlled screaming.
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Personally, emotionally, I'd rather divorce myself from the world than face the heartbreak of partial success. Because partial success implies overwhelming failure.
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
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We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
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