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I profess no belief in God, which by definition is true, especially if we take the accepted definition of God. But to be an atheist is to also have a belief, and have a system, and I don't know that I like that either.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
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Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
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Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.
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Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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All music is the blues. All of it.
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When it comes to bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion... Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass.
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I'm certainly a skeptic. I always quibble with people.
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In the 'bullshit department' a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman.
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Shopping and buying and getting and having comprise the Great American Addiction. No one is immune. When the underclass riots in this country they don't kill policemen and politicians, they steal merchandise. How embarrassing.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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There may or may not be atheists in foxholes, but I'm certain there are none in the Ku Klux Klan.
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That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
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I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.
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I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
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No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.
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When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
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Religion is a self-conferred intellectual decision it's not something you get at birth and is unchangeable. You're collusive with the religion when you accept it you have a choice.
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People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
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Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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