Quote

I'm not collegial, I don't hang out. I'm soloist, I like my solitude, I don't really hang around with comedians.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Comedians
Hang
Comedian
Solitude
Around
Really
Like
Collegial
Soloist

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Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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Baby boomers helped me a great deal in my career. They launched me. They were there for me to sing my song to. And I'm not saying I'm better than anyone, but I think they turned that anti-authority baby boom mentality into their own enemy. Now I identify very closely with their children.
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The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.
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A dog has no shame. If he can do it, you can watch.
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When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
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Why do they bother saying raw sewage? Do some people actually cook that stuff?
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To me, smoking pot meant sitting with a newspaper on my legs, rolling the seeds down, pulling the twigs out and finally producing a perfectly cylindrical, absolutely wonderful joint that you either locked at both ends or pinched off, or pinched at one end and left open at the other.
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You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.
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Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?
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No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go down, and that's when you can slip in a good idea.
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I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.
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It's difficult enough for a young person to put his soul on the line in front of a lot of drunken people without having that hanging over his head, too.
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Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
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Why do 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
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Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
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I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.
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By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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