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I'm not collegial, I don't hang out. I'm soloist, I like my solitude, I don't really hang around with comedians.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Soloist
Comedians
Hang
Comedian
Solitude
Around
Really
Collegial
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More quotes by George Carlin

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Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.
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I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.
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When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
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Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time.
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If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.
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Once the high priests and the traders took over, we were lost as a species.
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If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!
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We [americans] are not a freedom-loving people in the beautiful, spiritual sense. We have an inspiring Constitution, but we're a hardhearted people.
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Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
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Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better.
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Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain. America, America, man sheds his waste on thee, And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea.
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Interesting form of murder we come up with: Assassination. We assassinate people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Apparently we are not ready to live together.
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If drumsticks are for playing drums, you would think that breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn't you? Would you like some breadsticks? No, thank you, I don't play bread. I play drums. Perhaps I'll have a drum roll.
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I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.
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Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.
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Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.
George Carlin
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I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.
George Carlin