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No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go down, and that's when you can slip in a good idea.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Idea
Defenses
Moments
Slip
Ideas
Slips
Good
Joke
People
Defense
Jokes
Laughing
Moment
More quotes by George Carlin
When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.
George Carlin
The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.
George Carlin
Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards
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When people asked me, Do you get high to go onstage? I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.
George Carlin
Religion cruelly exploits our need to feel connected.
George Carlin
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
George Carlin
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
George Carlin
If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!
George Carlin
Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.
George Carlin
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
George Carlin
You take 5 white guys and you take 5 black guys and put em together for a week and what you won't have is 5 blacks guys talking like, 'Golly gee, we really won that big basketball game' but you will have 5 white guys talking like 'Yo slick, whuzzup...we be shootin hoops and mad playin, slammed those mofos
George Carlin
I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
George Carlin
With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.
George Carlin
Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage.
George Carlin
Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain. America, America, man sheds his waste on thee, And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea.
George Carlin
What do dogs do on their day off? Can't lie around – that's their job!
George Carlin
Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.
George Carlin
Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think for myself and to be independent.
George Carlin
People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
George Carlin
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years.
George Carlin