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People have material needs, but you don't need a deodorant for every different day of the week. You don't need four hundred varieties of mustard. This is what I call too many choices. There are too many choices in America.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Needs
Week
Every
Choices
Deodorant
People
Four
Varieties
Call
Mustard
America
Variety
Need
Material
Many
Materials
Different
Hundred
More quotes by George Carlin
My money buys me the freedom not to be a member of the corporate structure. And I certainly don't feel guilty or hypocritical about that. The way our economy is set up, if you don't want to be a corporate moron and you don't want to be enfeebled in the streets, you must earn enough to know that you'll never have to go to them for money.
George Carlin
In the doggie dictionary, under bow wow it says, See arf arf.
George Carlin
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
George Carlin
No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.
George Carlin
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
George Carlin
I'm 60 years of age. That's 16 Celsius.
George Carlin
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
George Carlin
I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.
George Carlin
I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
George Carlin
The women who line up at a comic's dressing-room door are not what you'd call your class groupies.
George Carlin
I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
George Carlin
One of the interesting things about outsidership is that underneath it there's a longing to belong. I just wish the thing I refused to belong to - the species, Western capital culture - was a little more respectable. My one true relaxation is my flotation tank, in which I can either meditate or just drift off.
George Carlin
There was about a two-year period at the end of the '60s, when I realized I was in the wrong place and entertaining the wrong people with the wrong material and that I was not being true to myself. I went through a metamorphosis into something more authentic for me, a more authentic stage voice and writing voice.
George Carlin
To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
George Carlin
Life is a zero sum game.
George Carlin
In the 'bullshit department' a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman.
George Carlin
Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.
George Carlin
I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
George Carlin
I don't have hobbies hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
George Carlin
If you ask me, we could do with a little less motivation. - The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me. - Serial killers, stock swindlers, drug dealers, Christian Republicans.
George Carlin